Subtle Changes

Living in my late 50’s, Yes one more year to greet a new decade, helping my mom, octogenarian in her last 1/4 century.  Observing and sharing with other’s nearing the knot in the rope… i contemplate…

You get old, you start to fold up, there are these places that start to get a little more bent, less flexible despite your efforts to stay loose, your joints get a little knobby, you get crinkles and creases, they start to show up in odd and obvious places, surprising places, oh there? Really? Good if you can laugh at it!

Yes missing the loose flexibility of youth & not so enamored, at first anyway, of the loose flesh, the lost elasticity thanks to years of gravity. it’s true we wear out. We can’t remember, our impeccable recall is, well, not so impeccable…

All this AI (artificial intelligence) talk about uploading our consciousness to live forever.

Isn’t that missing the point!

If we didn’t know that we were going to lose it, it wouldn’t mean a thing or at least it wouldn’t mean as much as it does. i can’t actually say what that would be like because i’ve always only known eventually, i would die. 

Yes it’s easy to get lost in the details of your day to day life and then something reminds you of how precious it is to be here. Don’t waste it!

Maybe we shouldn’t try and be infinite, (in our physical form) part of the journey is accepting that we don’t live forever. Sure, we may be able to extend our lives with new knowledge and technology, if we could all get massages and have less stressful lives. Heart valve replacements and bypass surgeries. Maybe we would live longer if we all ate healthy food that was more mineral and nutrient rich, got good exercise, learned to communicate well… 

Worthy goals, but we’re still going to wear out. So we have to figure out how to do that or accept it whether we wear out fast or have a slow decline. Maybe we jump ship suddenly when we’re younger or we live to be really old, we still die. We are mortal. So in a philosophical sense as well as straight up stare it in the face, if we can reckon with that, it helps (some of us) get the most out of being here.

i think, the sooner we get that and honor it instead of fighting it, the more we get out of being here…

To feel the gloriousness of now, the peachy ripe beauty of this late summer bounty, (sun warmed cherry tomatoes) kissing us or a scorching cold morning, ice crystal snowflake blessing us as it melts against the warmth of our cheek. Or, the salty streaming tears of love in grief from the wrenching goodbye of a much loved one gone to soon.

Yes, this is magic.

Yes, i am here. Yes, i want to be here.  Yes, it is hard. Hard enough to want to give up.

Yes, i will take it. Yes, give me more. i want it all, until i’m not here anymore.